Bill Simmons is god…
From his pre-nba draft lottery article, which can be found here.
On the Philadelphia Sixers:
If Philly gets lucky tonight, I just hope Billy King commemorates the
occasion by immediately announcing a six-year, $50 million contract
extension for Shavlik Randolph.
On the Chicago Bulls:
If this spot comes up and Chicago's logo isn't in the No. 10 envelope,
it immediately becomes the most dramatic lottery moment of all-time.
Every Knicks fan would cease breathing for the rest of the lottery.
That's no exaggeration.
On the Portland Trailblazers:
(Note: Maybe I'm in the minority here, but I miss the Jail Blazers.
When's the next time we'll see a team feature a registered sex offender
who wasn't even one of the top three craziest guys on the team? They
made the 2006 Bengals look like a bunch of prep school kids egging
houses on Halloween.)