If I were the Phils…
I would have traded for Johan Santana…but I’m not and they didn’t…so we’re fucked right now.
But…If I am the Phils I would trade for C.C. Sabathia!
Why?
1) We need pitching, especially in the playoffs
2) Myers seems to incapable of being a quality starting pitcher
3) I want to win now! So screw the future.
Why not?
1) He’s a rather large man, so his durability is a concern. I would definitely invest in a massive shoe horn for getting him into his uniform.
2) He did not play particularly well in the playoffs last year.
My offer to the Cleveland Indians
Grades are provided by minorleagueball.com, specifically here
Pick two players from the list below:
Carlos Carrasco, RHP, Grade B
Adrian Cardenas, 2B, Grade B
Josh Outman, LHP, Grade B
Joe Savery, LHP, Grade B
Pick however many players from the list below:
Kyle Drabek, RHP, Grade C+
Jason Donald, SS, Grade C+
Greg Golson, OF, Grade C+
Travis Blackley, LHP, Grade C+
J.A. Happ, LHP, Grade C+
Lou Marson, C, Grade C+
Antonio Bastardo, LHP, Grade C+
Julian Sampson, RHP, Grade C+
Travis D'Arnaud, C, Grade C+
Matt Spencer, OF, Grade C+
Andrew Carpenter, RHP, Grade C+
Jeremy Slayden, OF, Grade C
Scott Mathieson, RHP, Grade C
Tyler Mach, 3B-2B, Grade C
Travis Mattair, 3B, Grade C
Dominic Brown, OF, Grade C
Potentially 18 picks going to Cleveland. Yes our farm system isn’t as good as Boston’s or Tampa’s. But I don’t think they will be offering 18 players for his Largeness. 
US Olympic Basketball Team…
Guards: Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade, Michael Redd, Jason Kidd, Deron Williams, Chris Paul
Forwards: LeBron James, Chris Bosh, Carmelo Anthony, Tayshaun Prince, Carlos Boozer
Center: Dwight Howard
Likes: I love the specialist and emphasis on defense. Michael Redd is a sniper from beyond three-land. Simply one of the best shooters in the game. Prince and Boozer both know how to play team ball and D it up.
Concerns: You’re heavy on the point and slim on the size. You’ve got three point guards on this team, Kidd, Paul, and Williams, and will probably never use all three. Paul and Williams are both better than Kidd in every aspect of the game. There is a reason why two of those guys took their teams past the first round of the playoffs. Not to mention Kidd has yet to realize he is a horrible shooter (40% average for his career).
Why the concern with size? American big men are notorious for getting into foul trouble in international play. The traditional low post power game does not translate to the international game. So you need big men with skills not just power.
Who would I replace for Kidd? KG would be my first and foremost pick, but I’ll assume he got the invite and declined. Why else would he not be on the team? If he was never given an invite I would immediately check Jerry Colangelo’s bank account for deposits from Argentina. So my next choices would be Marcus Camby, first, then David West should Camby decline.
Camby? He’s a great defender, can put up good points and boards and is a veteran figure. Can be a bit injury prone, which may hinder his selection.
West? Yes he’s not a huge big man in terms of size, but 7 footers can be some what over rated. You don’t need a true center, just some guys that can play about the trees, and West does that and more. He’s already got chemistry with Chris Paul (the best pg in the league), why not use that tandem for all it’s worth.
If I owned the Phillies…
- Resign Aaron Rowand…he personifies Philadelphia.
- Take Freddie Garcia to a remote spot in the old Navy Yard and shot him.
- Sign a real 3rd Baseman…Mike Lowell would probably cost a ton, maybe Pedro Feliz…you just need a stop gap until that kid Costanzo is ready. If you can’t get a real one, just keep increasing the paycheck for Iguchi until he is willing to play it himself.
- Hire the scouts from the Red Soxs and Athletics.
- Fire all the pitching coaches.
- Increase the scouting and player development budgets by 10 fold.
There is no quick way to solve this team. You need pitchers to win, and no pitchers want to pitch in Citizens Bank Park. So my theory: draft them into slavery, and ride them hard through the arbitration years.
But if you going to do that strategy, you have to have great scouts and player development, something which the Phils don’t exactly have. They aren’t bad at producing the batters, mainly Rollins, Utley, and Howard.
However on the pitching side of things, they are abysmal. Hamels is the only notable stud in recent years, and Myers is just good at best. And while we are talking about Hamels, get him to divorce his bat shit crazy wife, then get him to hook up with a hot doctor on the rebound. Hopefully she will get him to forget that crazy holistic healing crap and talk up the qualities of percocet and oxycontin.
Back on point…no sense over paying for crap, Guillermo Mota got a 50 million dollar contract. 50 million dollars, for what!?! There are no studs out there and pitching in such demand that you’re going to pay for it. Save it and use it for some short term batting while you rebuild your pitching staff through the draft.
That’s what I would do.
Fantasy Football Work League…
Here is my work league team (10 teams, I had the 3rd pick overall)...and the order I took them:
1) Larry Johnson, 4,292 total yards and 40 touchdowns over the past two seasons...screw the 400 carry effect or his shitty oline. L Train baby!
2) Willis McGahee, Best RB left on the board
3) Tom Brady, With that receiving core he is going to have a huge year.
4) Randy Moss, This is a gamble, hopefully he'll be healthy and productive, otherwise this will burn me.
5) Todd Heap, After Gates, he's the best TE in the league.
6) Clinton Portis, I couldn't pass him up here. Only a couple of years ago he was a top 10 back.
7) Jerricho Cotchery, Best receiver on the board according to yahoo, not 100% thrilled with this pick
Santana Moss, Wish this league included return yards.
9) Kevin Curtis, Why not?
10) Matt Hasselbeck, Can't believe that no one picked him to be their starting qb.
11) Chris Chambers, I regret this pick, he was best available...however after picking him I looked at his stats from last year...not good.
12) Warrick Dunn, thrilled that he was still around. Solid backup.
13) Seattle Defense, I was the last person to pick a defense. Seattle was the best available
14) Mike Nugent, I wanted Robbie Gould or Jason Elam, both went higher than I thought...So Nugent it is, he has been voted special teams captain this year 
15) Brian Leonard, ah yeah, classic insurance pick (although not for my team), in case Stephan Jackson gets injured I'm going to be smiling pretty big.